It's fine for Obama to be inexperienced

Mark Halperin of Time, in an article on Friday, wrote about Palin and her inexperience:

Perhaps all of these potential problems will be avoided because Palin, like Barack Obama, will turn out to be a young, once-in-a-generation political figure who can handle American politics at the highest level without the usual experience.

So it's fine to have Obama, at the top of the political ticket, be woefully inexperienced because he's, well, special. Hmmm. I think this says more about Halperin than either Obama or Palin.

So you're a single woman and you want to be married?

My husband Alex is preaching tomorrow at Wellspring Church about singleness and marriage. There will be a Q&A afterwards. I'll miss it all due to sick babies :(, but Alex asked me to jot down my thoughts for the single women in the group. I have wrestled with this subject a lot: I myself had hoped to marry right out of college, and didn't meet Alex till I was 28, so I had the experience of wondering, "what's wrong with me?" and "will I ever get married?" I have many girl friends who are single. And since Alex wrote With One Voiceand started his blog, we have had many occasions to read books on the topic and speak to singles.

This is what I wanted and needed to hear when I was single:

It is OK to want to get married.
- God gave most of us a longing to be a wife and mother.
- He designed marriage as a very good thing. (Genesis 1-2, Ephesians 5) From a Biblical perspective, marriage really is the normal, default state of an adult person.
- It doesn't necessarily mean you are "desperate" or "not content in Christ" if you wish to be married. Plenty of desires are healthy, normal, and God-given (like hunger, desire for a (better) job, desire for children, etc.) and suppressing or denying them isn't helpful or necessary.
- It can be frustrating to tell other Christians that you desire to get married for fear they will think you are desperate or will lecture you on being content. Or you may be reluctant yourself to acknowledge how deeply you desire marriage. I recommend reading, or giving your friends to read Getting Serious About Getting Married: Rethinking the Gift of Singlenessby Debbie Maken. It's not a perfect book by any means, but she gets it right on this.

It is OK to pursue marriage.
- We don't tell someone who is hungry, "don't do anything to get food; just sit at home and wait and see what God puts on your table." Of course all food is provided by God. Yet we must go out and earn a living to make money to buy it, and then take the time and effort to plan the meals and grocery list, go to the store and buy the food, and come home and stock the fridge and pantry and prepare the meals. I can think of no other area of life, besides finding a spouse, where Christians are given the warning to be sure to do nothing and "see what God provides."
- Yes, we do believe that God gave the man the role of leadership and initiation of marriage. But there are plenty of things a woman can do. Some are:
1. Let your friends of all ages and life-stages, elders, family members, etc. know that you would like to get married, and that you welcome being introduced to quality men they know.
2. Expand your exposure to godly, husband-and-father-quality men. If your church doesn't have any, it might be reasonable to go to (an otherwise also excellent) church that does. If your hobbies consist of scrapbooking and knitting, it might be nice to also join a hiking club or other activity where you might meet more people. Go to a conference. Take a class.
3. Use an online service like e-harmony. This should be done VERY cautiously, and primarily with a goal to accomplish #2 above. When you do meet someone, move off the computer and into the real world very quickly (although start off in a safe, public place, ideally with your friends). Set your distance parameters to be very close; long-distance matches are not going to be helpful for evaluating someone for marriage.
4. Be the kind of woman that would attract the kind of man you want to marry. Grow in godliness and maturity. Get out of debt. Learn how to wear makeup, buy new clothes, lose weight. Ask a few trusted friends, both men and women, and your pastor if you need to get ideas.
5. Be available. If you're working 80 hours a week, scale back. If you are involved in activities like babysitting your sisters' kids, leading girl scouts, and attending women's Bible studies every night of the week, exchange some of your women or children focused activities for others that offer at least the possibility of meeting a man.

Avoid the pitfalls!
1. Don't be too picky! Of course some standards are a must - he's got to be passionately following Christ, he has to be someone you can respect and be led by. But come on! He dresses a little funny? Your college room mate you haven't spoken to in 10 years went out on one date with him? He has a hairy back? Lower your standards on the non-essential and the just plain silly. Even if you are not initially attracted to a guy, give him a couple of dates or conversations to see if there might be more there than you initially thought.
2. Don't be so available that you are wasting your time. This is the reverse to #1. You know the guy just became a believer and isn't ready to lead you, or you know he has so much baggage it'll never get beyond the friend stage. So don't waste every Friday night with him! Or worse, stay in a 2-year relationship when you know this is not the guy who should be the father of your children. It's very helpful to avoid physical intimacy, as sexual (even short of sex itself) connections can make it very hard to see someone objectively or to break up even when you know it's past time to do so.
3. Don't believe the lie that there's only THE ONE. You are not going to know who "the one" is until you've said "I do." Don't wait for God to hit you over the head with a 2x4 saying, "this is him!" Sometimes He chooses to give us very clear signs, but for most of us it's like any other decision: we seek wise counsel, we pray, we spend time getting to know him in a variety of seasons and situations, we wisely evaluate his character, we feel some chemistry and emotions, and we take a step of faith.
4. Don't wait too long. It's easy to think that you'll have plenty of time to think about a husband after you get your masters and PhD and establish your career. But the reality is, women are most attractive to men the younger they are (check out WHAT OUR MOTHERS DIDN'T TELL US: Why Happiness Eludes the Modern Woman). And how much better is it to share these years with the love of your life? And to have children before you need to shop for an egg donor?
5. Don't idolize marriage. It is easy to think that all our problems will be solved once we're married, or that we can finally start living once we have our own family. This is not only a sinful attitude, but can lend an air of desperation to our interactions with men, which is a real turnoff to a mature, healthy man.

God doesn't promise a husband to each of us who wants one.
- Some of us are gifted with celibacy: you might have a deep contentment and confidence that God has called you to be single for a special purpose, like overseas missions or a demanding calling that does not leave sufficient time to help and love a husband and children.
- We live in a broken, groaning world (Romans 8). In our culture/society specifically right now, courtship is very broken. Men, even Christian men, are affected by a culture that glorifies delayed adolescence and easy sex. Many men do not even think about marriage until late in their thirties, and then they want to marry someone in their mid-twenties. Many men are not financially and emotionally mature enough to marry until much later. Some men find they are perfectly content on their own, and can get all the sex and/or companionship they want from plenty of women who don't demand a life commitment.
- Marriage isn't everything. Even for those who have it, it is only for this life.
- We can take comfort that even though God has given marriage as the best thing, He might also ordain some to wait for it or even to never enjoy it. And in so doing, He will still give us everything we need to remain single and to remain content (see 2 Corinthians 12:10 and Philippians 4:11). He has ordained that we all suffer to various degrees at various times. Some suffer through difficult marriages, others from the loss of a child, or persecution for their faith, or the loss of a limb, or being unemployed, etc. All of these conditions are "wrong" in a sense and show how imperfect this world is, how much it has been ravaged by sin. And so our hope is not in marriage per se, but in Him who is constantly perfecting us and in His return.